my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand" hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING
it begins at some point your first ever time to have the lonely thought 'these new kids, the children of today' they.. they are not your familiar crust the ratio indifference and posing that you could read in your contemporaries the sound of their sway is certainly not the world today, it feels lonelier somehow it was nothing you did except grow older not by insistence or by desire but happenstance novelty marginalizes you now you thought you were standing by a changing river but you were getting sucked heinously all this while through the tubes of a cruel, indifferent vacuum cleaner