To start to wither

I don't know how my body reacts to
my own mind.
What was once an action and a cause
is now a stream of events
that looks like a habit.

What was once an action and a cause
no longer stand today as individuals
that are reasoned by their existence
and are enough.

This is the time when things change
for the worse
And you see not only your skin harden
some bones stick out
some toes dry faster
some nails grow slower
some energy is lost,
but the drying of your errors
your fears sticking out
innocent choices like mistakes
form like inadvertent habits.

This is where your neutrality is banished
all things that are past
are now personality
simple trains of thought
and seasons rush
at the speed of a blur.

This is where it is too hard to see
whether your errors are from complicating
or simplifying things
from keeping them light in your eyes
or being too serious
from compromising too much
or being too stuck up
from refusing to change or
forgetting yourself.

As a part of a narrative we can sometimes -
only decide which of the above mistakes to make
to hold dear and regret for
the larger part of life.
It is here that you start
to wither.