who you were

Given some time to yourself
you will go back and remember in detail
all the things that were painful,
how they were worded
how was abuse constructed
how some things were unfair
and some that broke you
for days, not so long ago.

You thought you were formed now
thought you were clear on who you were
but you find yourself unwrapping
or layering up
[you can't tell which]
into a new complex
as someone who has been far from done.

Your jokes don't work here
all the well rehearsed lines don't sound
others appear as lies
and some as a farce

Slips of tongue are not cute
you see, nobody knows you
and nobody can be sure.

You know not anymore
how you were
who you had
what you did
Or how old you are supposed to be
and how to act that age
and what that means

the experiences you've had, have
prepared you for other things
but not these

and those things didn't come
but these others came instead
and are here now
teasing.