Skip to main content

matchsticks

i want to show you how tiny flecks of snow 

that have now started to land, very slowly,  

melt very fast - tell you

what i learnt about the three types of snowflakes. 

the ranges of impermanence

the types of melt,

in northern winters.


the frost on white-bearded autumn leaves,

that you told me were all 

dead explicitly 

in your language

how knuckles get chafed 

by just being exposed in this temperature


i want to tell you where i’ve been and what was exciting

and who i’ve met

not in a formalized communicative transaction

but in pedestrian and boring passing speech 

where the importance of 

each nugget of communication

is not like blooming flowers

but indifferent, and stable

like grass


i want to tell you the lines that 

gave me pause, and read them to you

many times over and over again

as if just your hearing them,

would make them doubly meaningful


i want to detail the contours of your life

that i only know against the light of time

or is it the darkness

examine 

the broken parts of your memories

placing them on cotton sheet gently

and eventually on a glass slide


and also to be able to explain sadness

that isn’t a segue into intimacy

or it is now explicitly so

but i know we are trying to prop

a building up on matchsticks

loading concrete on tiny stubs of

softwood

barely millimetres thick

and flammable

Popular posts from this blog

लाल वस्तू

महाराजबागेतल्या गुंजेच्या झाडाखाली आईबरोबर बसून घालवलेल्या संध्याकाळी गुंजेचा पाला खाताना गुंजा वेचून, गोळा करून, घरी आणून सजवताना तशाच लाल गुंजांसारखे मखमली किडे पाळताना, त्यांना पावसाळ्यात पकडताना त्यांचा पाला गोळा करताना त्यांना लाजून गुर्फटताना बघताना, आईला दाखवताना मला थोडेच माहिति होते की हे अनुभव, आणि ह्या आठवणी कधी अशृ होतील आणि लाल शर्ट घालून त्या पावसाळ्याची आज तहान भागवावी लागेल

angry

my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand"  hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture  to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING

unfeeling

i remember the day i realized advertising had poisoned everything that i knew the memetic microplastic of my time and decided to stop feeling emotions to stop being touched from one minute of people meeting at airports the garish climaxes of love and loss and then when my friends left a rube goldberg machine of going away and i decided to stop feeling emotions to stop being touched by departures at the chaotic trampoline made of  weak elastics of relationships and then the day that i realized  what i read in books is lies and decided to stop feeling emotions to stop being touched by characters that haven't existed in entirely made up worlds like a fever nightmare when you wake up with  your stomach pitted like a peach or an avocado and then the day i realized how inexpensive it is to feel and to cry and decided to stop feeling emotions  or getting attached to my own sorrow which spread occupying my whole sky every time i looked up and the day i realized every choice ...