I tried to hurt myself using you
weaponizing you
turning your care ballistic
and my softness into weak armor
i tried to use the hollows of your lower back as landmines
your words as small sharp blades that fit into old razors and broke in twos
your lips as quagmire meant for drowning
i used your attraction as fission
a devastating proxy for the
surplus destructive energy in
my own mind
when your love was not enough
i used your presence as war horns
alerting formations of my hearts cavalry
into attacking your defenseless desire
your scattered battalions that were only looking for me
when I waged this war,
i even used your indifference to hurt me
a blunt injury sustained under my very living skin
a slow passage of bloodclots into a series of hurtful colors
why?
why do we cut ourselves?