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Now that you're not there

I don't want to use a key instead of ringing the bell,
I don't want to come out of this melancholy spell,
Now that you're not there.

When I find something new, immediately think of you,
And I won't have anyone to tell, Who would I go to?
Now that you're not there.

I want to cuddle up near you, and make waves in your wrinkly skin,
To throw a fit, crying, so you could reverse it with your grin,

And to stubbornly attack things that you deeply felt about,
So I could secretly believe them, you wouldn't leave me with a doubt,

Where would I seek answers now, where get a pat on my head,
You're not there now are you, they tell me you are dead
Now that you're not there.

Your things are lying around, your glasses and your water,
And as silent and as still, your sons and your daughter,

Your smell, sweet and silent, still comes from your room,
It almost looks like you took nothing at all to your tomb,

But you took my sleep when you left,
You sneaked away without telling where,
My laughter now seems barren,
And my tears and wounds are bare,
Now that you're not there.

Will you know that the little things you wanted me to do,
I have started doing those, though I could never tell you,
Now that you're not there.

My soliloquy echoes emptily here in this home,
Every thought in this space meanders around and roams,
Now that you're not there.

Nobody waits now, dropped ideas don't align,
We all buckle up, but our eyes never shine,
Now that you're not there.

I warn myself now when I'm careless,
And rebuke myself when I'm wrong,
Remember what you taught me,
And listen to my own song.
Now that you're not there.

If you would have seen me cry, you'd say,
'You knew this was how it was going to be,'
And so I believe you told me this,
From your self, only you can release me.
Now that you're not there.

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