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Infinitum

There, from your scrawny little self
fly your conflicts,
controlling the desire of
ever being understood.

If ever word was enough for empathy,
we would never need to kiss hands
or look into eyes.

If belief was enough for security,
never would we need to ask
and declare
our love.

There is your body,
bottling up your sensation of space
and your running away from time
making your fingers thunder
and words fumble.

The fluid blueness of your soul
escaping this chalky body that has
become little from trembling
like a leaf.
All the time.

If you ever were to be understood.
How would it be.
How would it be to know that you feel
with a stranger.
When would you be certain
of knowledge of knowledge, ad infinitum.

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angry

my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand"  hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture  to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING

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