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Be

Wouldn't it be nice to be a poet
My words trickling down the spine of today
tickling it into a quiver

Maybe just a singer
living an unknown existence as a nightclub template
a concert instrument
feigning experience and feeling
in a musty recording room
with other stringed instruments.

I could be a communist
with a book and a belief
A practical philosopher overlooking
embedded paradox

Maybe just a desk worker
begrudgingly finishing every day
until sleep.

I surrender, fighting against
a mob of mediocre abilities
but a belief about being
nobody and nothing.

If i could call myself
by any name to aspire to be it
maybe i could tame this
lop-sided freedom
unaided with hope or desire
like an angry animal ravaging
in every direction in space

To be - as Adrienne Rich said -
be as without movement.

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my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand"  hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture  to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING

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