Sometimes serious

अजुनही रोज सकाळी अावाज एेकू येतो, "अाता तरी ऊठ! दहा दहा वाजेपरेंत झोपा काढता" "लवकर आटप!" एक दिवस माझे पण स्वयम्पाकघर असेल तेव्हा तू बनवायचीस त्या गोष्टी बनवेन तू करत असलेल्याच प्रमाणे वस्तू अावरेन तू दाखवलेल्याच पद्धती माझ्यासाठी खर्या अाहेत तू शिकवलेल्याच गोष्टींची माहिती अाहे त्यांचं पुढे काय होवू शकलं ते पाहायला तू नव्हतीस त्याचं पुढे काय करावं हे ही तू कधी सांगितलं नाहीस पुढे कसं करायचं ह्याबद्दल संवाद असणंही कठीणच मला िततकं काही कळायचंही नाही तू मी अाठवीत असताना शिवून दिलेला एक झगा अजूनतरी होतो अाहे तुझी जुनी जन्मपत्रिका माझ्याचकडे ठेवलीय तू वापरत असलेल्या बर्याच वस्तू दिल्या काही घरीच अाहेत जर असा विचार केला की तू विद्दूमामाकडे गेली अाहेस तर काहीवेळ खरेच वाटते तू गेल्यावर काही काळ अाम्ही सगळे भरकटल्यासारखे झालो त्या घरी कसं रहायचं तिथे करायचं तरी काय तू गेल्यावर अाम्ही उगीचच मोठे झालो किंवा प्रयत्न केला तो फसला, मग अाम्ही अाता अाधीसारखे वागतो कदाचित तू लिहिलेली जुनी पत्र मी बरेचदा वाचते तू शिकवलेल्याप्रमाणे कधीकधी विणायला घेते ...

Anything i do, mother, Pales in contrast with you Your life and time in service, your day and night mitigating pain Stopping bleeding Saving people from death for a while. Your life and time in caring your second and minute Spent in the craftsmanship of understanding health well being of people and of us. What kind of service could i do that would compare to what you do. There is nothing noble nothing selfless about what i do It is wound up instead in hedonistic desire like a pendulum that swings from music to travel reading about how the world works and interpreting what i want sitting in a tower exploring identity and learning and beauty and flavour. Not mitigating but expressing difficulty Not of the flesh but of the mind the things that plague the mind That sometimes seem both unreal and unnecessary. There is nothing I do that could be called service. Each monday i sit at my desk thinking this week would be when i would do something that wo...

Some years making a family Memories without interpretation without commemoration, without dissection and interrogation about intent and motive and result and desire. The rest of life - trying to unravel pin tendency to a possible event in history long gone. Some years looking ahead, hoping, learning, being prepared some years spent being assured of the bleak chance of anything going wrong. The rest of life - trying to marvel retrospectively Pinning intent to a possible cause making the present fathomable. Some years spent in joy with trees and pets parents and friends school and fear The rest of life - trying to generate a personality from known features trying to dress, trying to make the right faces, accents that will be commensurate with those childhood years. Some years anticipating the corners the doors and the windows the limiting features of your life the borders inside which you must color The rest of it - a closer look at what still was...