rain

you see
my heart is overheated now.

in this reclamation island
on this crude coastal sand
drying straw that was grass -
there is now unbearable heat

no matter
how many dips i take into the salty ocean
all that springs up is ring-tabs of beer cans
poly bags worn pieces of glass
and other light garbage of everyday
but no relief.

in guarding this geography
the habitants of this mind forget
to want to eat and sleep
to have desire.

i have become
an impatient bait for the
politicians of the psyche
who fish with a hook and feed
for proof

i am that
soapbox you can use to
remind yourself and your friends
to not be miserable
despite having everything
like me
______

an everyday search for enthusiasm
feels like an entire country
has run out of news stories
and the papers print blank sheets
to circulate with the tea
and a view of the morning

the boulevards of pink sakura
orange gulmohur canopies
fuschia bougainvillea
rain that is a solid object in air
and white snow fields
have all decided today
to stop existing

my loneliness is the thing to point at
like educational Exhibit B
that thing one must not be
that hidden ditch on the road
in a deafening monsoon flood
that insistence to pretend
things are all fine

my loneliness is she
who hides from its predators
that give it a name and ask it
where it came from
and why is it inebriated

who tries to camouflage itself
in the surrounding greenery
and health
to avoid telling her story.

hers is a double hypocrisy of
honesty and denial
and the willful desire to
escape.