depression as copula

in marathi, we say
that a depression has come,
it has arrived, been welcomed.
taken its slippers off, having tea
watching television in your living room.

in english we say
that we are depressed,
that use of copula, equation
symbolic castration
of its tyranny as identity

a mental state may or may not be
an externalising force

'my depression' we call it
our ownership of our darkness
our right to assert the sweet sweet
depths of black darkness
our power to let it bend
at our will,
knowing that it doesn't.

every time we forge a relationship
with a mental state
like unicellular organisms
achieving mitosis
not as clones, but as a twisted
splitting
of a dicotyledon

i don't speak all the languages
but in some there must be
a gentler way
a kinder alternative
for our own minds.

लाल वस्तू

महाराजबागेतल्या गुंजेच्या झाडाखाली आईबरोबर बसून घालवलेल्या संध्याकाळी गुंजेचा पाला खाताना गुंजा वेचून, गोळा करून, घरी आणून सजवताना तशाच लाल गुंजांसारखे मखमली किडे पाळताना, त्यांना पावसाळ्यात पकडताना त्यांचा पाला गोळा करताना त्यांना लाजून गुर्फटताना बघताना, आईला दाखवताना मला थोडेच माहिति होते की हे अनुभव, आणि ह्या आठवणी कधी अशृ होतील आणि लाल शर्ट घालून त्या पावसाळ्याची आज तहान भागवावी लागेल

angry

my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand" hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING

To start to wither

I don't know how my body reacts to my own mind. What was once an action and a cause is now a stream of events that looks like a habit. What was once an action and a cause no longer stand today as individuals that are reasoned by their existence and are enough. This is the time when things change for the worse And you see not only your skin harden some bones stick out some toes dry faster some nails grow slower some energy is lost, but the drying of your errors your fears sticking out innocent choices like mistakes form like inadvertent habits. This is where your neutrality is banished all things that are past are now personality simple trains of thought and seasons rush at the speed of a blur. This is where it is too hard to see whether your errors are from complicating or simplifying things from keeping them light in your eyes or being too serious from compromising too much or being too stuck up from refusing to change or forgetting yourself....

Sometimes serious

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