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remission

suddenly one day there'll be
an unnanounced energy.

your tongue will taste like gold,
your heart will be lifted by a swarm
of hurtling butterflies
there will be dream clouds
in colours yet undiscovered to you
swimming in your brain

the smells of
fluorescent pollen will cloud
your rivers
and everyday will suddenly reach
a thick and unknown density.

the brightness of the world will not be
possible to actually harness.

the knowledge of this fading
and the impending silence,
and the exit of this silence too,
will not help.

until that day there is just
waiting.

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angry

my grandmother used to spot in us a hereditary anger the chest learning to well up blood learning to leap and breath learning to crawl foreheads burning with heat of little children the attempt of anger to become disgusting raging energy that will occupy every living stream. nobody wants to hold an angry person rage drunk, getting bigger and bigger until other people are invisible like ants and you can dissolve them in your hot blood and things around you break and shatter at this point she would hold. a violent hand shaking her away Ya I remember my grandmother used to spot it in us as children already And hold our hand "until you get over your rage I will not let go of your hand"  hold VERY TIGHTLY "I will not leave your hand until you learn how you should calm down" i would fail despite that gesture  to understand what was happening and i could not receive love at that time because i have so much anger But the act she is doing is still that of HOLDING

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